I’m weird. This isn’t news to me or anything. I have lived in a UFO my entire life. This wasn’t a coincidence. My parents believe in extraterrestrial life. You know, “phone home” and all that crap, and they dragged my sister Mercury and me into their mess when they named us what they named us. So it wasn’t a surprise when after getting accepted to UW and expressing my desire to actually attend, they lamented that college is “just another ploy for the government to keep tabs on you, man.” In other words, “We won’t be helping you out, Jupiter.” That’s fine, though, because my best friend Frankie and I can be pretty clever chicks when we want to be. We found a way for me to get up there and it was in the form of a longtime crush, his equally cute cousin, and a kickin’ set of wheels. Buckle up, Buttercup, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.